As I rummaged through the
area under the sink, my mom stood next to me nervously fidgeting with her hands.
I handed her the Dixie cup and a few moments later we saw two little lines.
Pregnant! I cried tears of joy and amazement “I cannot believe I get to
experience this with you, mom!” She gently rubbed her belly and said “I think
it’s a boy, I can tell by how I feel.” We were giddy and excited like we were sisters. I was then outside
and in the distance was a sparkling water tower with bright orange pumpkins at
the top. I made a mental note to take photos of the kids there sometime. It was
the golden hour and the sun was shining beautifully and the light was perfect. I
pulled my mom close to me and we googled “77 year old pregnancy risks”. The next thing I remember is being startled
awake by the sound of my alarm clock. I smiled to myself and thought “oh man I
can’t wait to tell my mom about this one”.
That morning I did what I do every day, I called my mom. “Mom, I just had a dream you were
pregnant!” She giggled and said “I better go to the casino, maybe it means I’ll
meet a guy!” She always makes me laugh. So then we had a whole conversation
about stories of women past age 60 having babies, I reminded her to be careful.
“I wonder what a 77 year old’s risk of having a Down syndrome pregnancy would
be?” we giggled some more. As I explained the random pumpkins and the water
tower, she said “OK you know what is weird, I’ve had a reoccurring dream and
fear since I was a little girl of water towers.” Her brothers would simply walk
by her and say “water tower” and she would cry. Dreams sure are trippy, aren’t
they? I wonder what it all means.
 |
| Me and my mama |
I can tell you exactly why I’ve
been dreaming about babies and pregnancy though, it seems that everyone at work is
pregnant. The two girls that sit next to me are pregnant and have the cutest little
baby bumps. We talk about babies every day. I was talking to one of the girls right before her gender
ultrasound. I said “so do you think you’ll have a little sis for your daughter
or a baby bro?” She looked at me and said “I don’t care, as long as it’s
healthy”. Then I could see her body language shift. She said “but, I mean, if
it’s not healthy that is OK too...” I could tell she had one of those “oh crap”
moments, like maybe she said the wrong thing to me.
This conversation brought me back
to when I was pregnant with Ellie. Every night Jesse and I have a routine of
going upstairs and kissing the kids goodnight before we go to sleep. Every
single night during my pregnancy with her, I would go kiss my boys and then rub
my belly and say a prayer “please Lord bless this baby, and please make sure
she is healthy”. I had a rough time throughout my pregnancy and always worried
that she wasn’t going to make it. I had bleeding for weeks, gestational diabetes,
thyroid problems, and she was in an odd position in the womb to which doctors
had no explanation.
 |
| My Ellie Belly |
After the birth of our girl,
I remember crying to my mom. Through tears I said “but mom I prayed every night that
she would be healthy.” She looked me straight in the face and said “and she is,
honey.”
 |
| Ellie with Grandma |
I know once you join the Down
syndrome club, and you hear other moms saying how all they care about is that
their little one is healthy, it can hurt a little. Like they don’t want a baby
like yours. But I’ve come to realize that there is nothing wrong with hoping
your baby is healthy. One thing we all have in common is that we don’t want our
little ones to hurt or suffer. We are protective and love these little beings
more than life itself. So “as long as it’s healthy” doesn’t bother me anymore.
Because I prayed that our girl was healthy too, and she is, honey.
 |
| Ellie and I |
This week's song was one that popped up yesterday on Pandora, and I immediately sent it to my brothers. Yesterday would have been my handsome dad's 80th birthday, so of course I always think he's saying hello by sending me beautiful music to listen to. :)
