A Letter to our Daughter on her First Birthday

            

Dear Ellie,

It was five years ago when your daddy and I both had dreams about you being in our lives. To be honest, it scared us. It scared us so much that we had decided not to have anymore kids. 

The day I found out I was pregnant with you, you surprised us again. Once the shock wore off, we were ecstatic and couldn't wait to meet you.

When the doctors told us to prepare to lose you when I was only 10 weeks pregnant, you surprised us again and you kept growing and getting stronger in my belly. 

When we found out you were a GIRL you surprised us again. We had thought you would be a boy based on our track record. We were so excited!!

When the doctors told us you had a heart problem when I was 38 weeks pregnant and that you could come out blue, you surprised us with your adorable little pink body and cute girly cry. 

When the doctors told me my tests were negative for all trisomies, and you were born with T21 you surprised us. But we had already met you in our dreams so we were comforted in knowing that you were just where you were meant to be.

When the doctors listed off all of the medical problems you could have, including sight and hearing problems, thyroid issues, heart and digestion diseases, you surprised us. You were cleared by the cardiologist at 2 months old. You have passed all your hearing and vision tests. You have none of the problems that the doctors warned us about. 

Every step of the way you have blown us away. You have the ability to bring joy to every person you meet. You are inquisitive and smart. You are starting to talk and interact with everyone around you. You gently lay your hands on your brother’s face when he is crying, comforting him and making him smile. You have the cutest laugh and your brother Will brings it out of you the best. You are so loved by us, as well as all of your aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, grandparents and friends.

                         

You are a daddy’s girl to your core. You light up when he walks in the room and give him the biggest hugs and kisses of all. If he's had a hard day at work, he loves to snuggle you because you somehow make everything better.

                      

On your first birthday I want to thank you for choosing us to be your parents. We are so lucky to have you as our little girl. You make us so proud. We know you will continue to shine as you grow. We can't wait to see what you accomplish in this life. Everyone tells us how lucky you are to have us as parents. But I can tell you this, we are the lucky ones, thank you for being our daughter.

Love mom and dad.

                     

Your daddy chose the song for this post, and I think it's perfect for you baby girl.

Stevie Wonder - Isn't She Lovely

They Are All So Happy

I have an announcement. Ellie, my sweet precious Ellie, is NOT always happy. She just isn't. In the 7 months that she's been on this earth, she has been everything. Happy, sad, frustrated, excited, curious, mad, stubborn, the list could go on. Name an emotion and she's probably experienced it. 

Pre-meltdown phase

Let the drama begin!

Will looks around like someone is going to help him!

Seriously mom, HELP ME! (says Will)

When I tell people my daughter has Down syndrome I almost always hear "oh, they are all so happy", or "they are all so sweet". I am trying to figure this phenomenon out because so far, Ellie is a lot like her big brothers. She spits up like them (rrr!), she giggles like them, she smirks like them, she cries like them. When people refer to her as "they" it feels like she's part of a whole different species, do you get what I'm saying?

There is a preconceived notion, myth, or stereotype about people with Down syndrome that "they" are always happy, or "they" are always sweet. Well Ellie wants me to tell you this.. "she" is just herself. It's just like saying "all gingers have no souls" when we know the truth, only some gingers have no souls. Hehe. 

So that is my PSA for the day. People with Down syndrome are each unique individuals just like you and I. They laugh, they cry, and sometimes, damn it, they have throw-down diva fits like it's their job!! 

My song of choice for this blog post is "You are so Beautiful" by Joe Cocker. I love this song, and it makes me think of our Ellie girl. BUT I also love that my dad once arrested Joe Cocker in Cali back in the early 70's. Famous family story right there! 

You Are So Beautiful - Joe Cocker

Dreams Really Do Come True

6 months!

I can't believe our little Ellie is already 6 months old. In all honesty, every day goes by faster than the one before it. It's crazy to me.  She's starting to give us hugs and kisses, when I first realized she was doing it intentionally it made me cry (surprise, surprise.) We have only heard her giggle twice so far, and she's sitting up pretty good (with support of course.)  She's also eating baby food like a champ.  So far her favorite is apple sauce.

Eating lunch like a big girl.

Her personality is awesome.  She is very laid back and loves to give snuggles. She smiles more and more each day. She's also been sleeping through the night since 3 weeks old. Last weekend I woke up to the sound of the lawn mower outside.  I looked over and Jesse wasn't in bed, Ellie was fast asleep next to me in her bassinet.  I got up and Luke was still asleep too.  I checked the time and it was 9:45.  What baby sleeps in until 9:45? Or even a 4 year old for that matter?  I made my way outside and Jesse and Will were out mowing.  They said they got bored waiting for us to wake up :-P She is such a fun baby and loves to sleep like her mama.

When I think back to how Jesse and I both had dreams about Ellie before she was here, I still get goose bumps.  I recently found an old email I had written to a friend.  I was discussing having two children and how Jesse and I didn't want to "risk it" by having another baby.  Here's an excerpt from that email:

"I always felt like I'd have a daughter, and my husband feels content and grateful for our two boys, he says he doesn't want to risk anything again. We actually both had dreams while I was pregnant with my youngest that we had babies with down syndrome. When they thought Luke might have it, my husbands face turned white. Later I confessed my dream to him, and he said he had the same dream! It was all too weird. When we found out Luke was OK it was such a relief.  I think that's still in the back of his mind." 

It boggles my mind that Jesse and I both had premonitions about her.  We were being prepared for her arrival without even realizing it. My mom and dad always said that our dreams represent "a fear or a desire."  When I told mom about my dream she reassured me "oh honey, it's just a fear" and she told me I needed to stop worrying about it.  Well I didn't realize it at the time, but it turned out that my dream was a desire, not a fear. I can't imagine my life without Ellie in it. I'm so grateful for her. I'm so glad our dreams came true.

I love this picture for so many reasons.  It shows off some of Ellie's "Down syndrome markers" so I thought I'd point them out: brushfield spots in her eyes, flattened nose bridge, upward slanted eyes, her single palmar crease across her hand, small low set ears... to me, it's just Ellie and I think she's beautiful. :) 

This month Ellie has her big appointment at OHSU's Down Syndrome Clinic, her 6 month well-baby visit, and an appointment with the eye doctor.  I will do a blog post to update everyone on how she's doing. I have wondered how well she can hear, see, and if her thyroid is functioning. I'm so curious to see what the panel of specialists at the DS Clinic will tell me.  It is 4 hours long, so I'm sure we will get something worthwhile from the appointment.  My fingers are crossed all goes well.

This is Ellie's old man impression.. "where's my teef, sonny?"

Here are a few more pictures of our smiley 6 month old. She had a great 4th of July with everyone. She was held the whole time and slept through the loud booms of the fireworks show. I was a slacker and didn't take any pictures of our big party this year... darn it. 

4th of July - Shooter Jennings

Ellie and her big brothers

This is one of her new smiles and it cracks me up!

Being silly for the camera! I'm addicted to my collage app on my phone (obviously)!!

Our Anti-Pinterest Redneck Party

Ellie says "lets get this ho-down started!"

Pinterest. You dirty little time sucking, unattainable idea giving, too perfect for my life, virtual pin board. I'm mad at you, Pinterest.  I have spent hours pinning all of your wonderful ideas and have yet to try anything you have shown me. You make me feel like a bad mom, horrible party thrower and lousy cook.  I just can't live up to your expectations, so you know what? I give up. I'm giving up on you.  

OK that's a little harsh. I know I won't give it up, I love that site, and the ideas within it. I'm kind of addicted to it actually. I just know that for me, at this time in my crazy life, I just can't live up to my self-inflicted Pinterest expectations.  So this year I decided to throw an anti-Pinterest Redneck party for our boys. And I have to say, it ended up pretty awesome.

Now that I'm working full time and the mama of 3 kids, I was dreading the idea of throwing our boy's joint birthday party. I have been stretched thin time-wise and can't even keep up on my laundry. The idea of cleaning and prepping and shopping was too much for me to even think about. What theme will it be? What should I do for the favors? Do we do it in the middle of the day so we don't have to serve dinner? Heck no! As I was putting together my thoughts I asked the boys what kind of party they wanted this year.  "I want to have a guys night, only boys can come, we can hang out with dad.. drink some beers" my almost 6 year old Will tells me.  He knows he's being inappropriate but will risk getting in trouble to get a laugh out of us (and it usually works.)  "Ummmm, let's see... I want a purple and pink princess party, and only girls can come" says my almost 4 year old son Luke. OK so how do we combine princesses and a dude party? This should be interesting.

Our wonderful family friend asked if we wanted her to bring her ponies to the boy's party, and that was an easy choice (awesome!) So cowboys and Indians theme?  Maybe a farm party? Hmm. Just as I was trying to decide, Jesse came home with a craigslist purchase. He was the proud new owner of a 3-wheeled early 1960's rusty old Cushman. Our neighbor saw him driving around the property and said that we just "upped the white trash factor in our neighborhood by a point".  Ponies. White trash. A dirty house. I got it! A hillbilly party!

I ran to the dollar store and picked up billy bob teeth, squirt guns, candy, and funny glasses to give out as favors. Easy and cheap just like our party ;-) Even the pack of brown paper sacks were from the dollar store. I love that place!

We pulled out our outdoor furniture from last summer and it was dirty and needed a good scrub down. As my mom was helping me wipe down chairs she said "good enough, this is a hillbilly party, remember?" Ahh, this theme is really working for me.  I barely cleaned our house and normally I'm panicked with the thought of people seeing my clutter and dirty floors. But this time it was different. I didn't have the time to worry about it, and I finally allowed myself to let it be. And it felt GOOOOD. 

I shopped the night before the party at Costco with Will in tow as Jess was busy outside doing yard clean-up.  We picked up the burgers, dogs, fixins, a packaged salad that just had to be thrown together, some frozen corn, bowl of fruit already cut up, and lots of beverages.  My mom made her amazing bootlegger beans and tater salad and my mom-in-law made her world famous cookies. Which I must say some sneaky older brothers stole on their way out the door (someone saw them feverishly stuffing snickerdoodles into gallon-sized ziplocks right before they left!) My awesome sis-in-law made the yummy cupcakes. We also had hillbilly inspired cocktails for the big kids at the party.  All in all, it was easy peasy.  In all the years of throwing parties at our house, it was the first time I ever was able to sit down and relax and talk to everyone. I would have to say it was my most favorite party yet, and was the least amount of work! I love that having three kids is in some crazy way making my life a lot easier. Is that even possible? It's interesting how life works itself out, isn't it?

So next year I am going to go with some sort of party theme that can be translated into easy again.  My mom suggested a camping theme. Tents, s'mores, camp fire, dirt... yep! Totally doing it!

And I also need to give a shout out to my family and friends who DO throw Pinterest-worthy parties. I am the proud friend, sister, daughter-in-law, and daughter who gets to be inspired by those in my life who are so amazing.  I love the creativity and fun that goes into the parties they throw, and by me being anti-Pinterest I'm in no way saying I don't like what they do. I LOVE what they do, and I often tell them they should start blogs or websites showing off their amazing ideas. I totally mean it! They are so stinking good at at it! I am so glad I have them share their party tips and they are always there to offer ways to make my parties great but in a way that works for our lifestyle. 

Lastly, I wanted to talk about Will's #1 most favorite singer in the world, Jason Aldean. He has been listening to him since he was 2 and pretty much knows every one of his songs by heart.  He's coming in September so we jumped on the chance to take Will and Luke to their first concert. It's going to be just the four of us. One of the grandmas will be watching Ellie for us that night :)  They are super excited, especially since it's a school night (what rebels!)  I have to share Will's most favorite Jason Aldean song. When we play it in our car I always look in the rear view  mirror at him, I can literally see his heart melting when it comes on. It's so cute and he knows it word for word. We sing it together at night before bed too.  And sometimes when I'm alone in my car and I hear it, it makes me squirt a tear or three.

Heaven - Jason Aldean

And below are just a bunch of photos of some of my favorite faces from the party. :-)

Who I am - 3/21 World Down Syndrome Day

Today is 3/21, World Down Syndrome Day. In honor of this special day I wanted to share an amazing video by the IDSC (International Down Syndrome Coalition) called "Who I am" and I would also love to share with the world who our Ellie is!

International Down Syndrome Coalition - World Down Syndrome Day 2013

Ellie Lehne...

I am snuggly, I am sweet, I am cute, I am petite!

I am the apple of my daddy's eye-

I am an adored niece (with 7 uncles and 4 aunts!)

I am the most favorite baby cousin ever-

I am a pretty princess-

I am a very loved baby sister to two awesome big brothers-

I'm a movie star! Yeah that's right!

I'm an excellent sleeper!

I am my mama's world-

I am a blessing to my family-

I am a lucky granddaughter and great granddaughter-

I am who I am, I am Ellie!

Hall of Fame - The Script ft. will.i.am