Shaken, Not Stirred: A Stafford Family Update

As I sit here on this snowy Thursday night, drinking some cheap red wine, I had the realization that I have only posted on this little ole' blog four times this year. That is a huge difference from the first year we had Ellie, I had posted 22 times in 2013. 22! That's almost 2 posts per month. And I remember when I started blogging, my whole intention of sharing our life was to maybe help one family receiving a Down syndrome diagnosis, to show them that it would be OK. I also remember thinking back then.. "there sure are a lot of blogs about babies and young kids with DS, and not many about older kids"... My imagination lead me to wonder if this was because it got harder as our kids grew, maybe it was harder to talk about? Too overwhelming to share? Is this why the blog posts fade into nothingness?

Truth? For us it hasn't gotten harder. It's gotten really "normal" to be honest. I don't have anything exciting to report on my little blog. We are a family of 5 and we are so dang busy that we've resorted to eating Taco Bell 4-5 times a week. I probably shouldn't admit that, huh? Yikes. I'm juggling work, Jesse's new adventure, Will's tournament basketball team (basketball 5 x a week! seriously), Ellie's appointments as well as trying to encourage our little artsy "cream in our cookie" Lukey Lukester.

So in regards to Jesse's new adventure. I have to tell you a story. If you know me at all, then you know I'm very "woo woo". Jesse has had a dream of owning his own liquor store since he was a kid. I'm not kidding. While we all were playing "house", "cars" or "teacher", Jesse was playing "Liquor Store". He had a cash register and mini bottles that were his Grammy and Papa's. He would sell the mini bottles to his make-believe customers. Who does that!? 

He tried for over ten years to be appointed to a store. He was told no over and over again, but he never gave up. Finally this past September he opened his own store. He has been working 80+ hours a week and business is growing every day. He is truly good at what he does and watching him with his customers makes me so proud. 

Leading up to this we had many little angel winks, including Luke asking the Magic 8-Ball if daddy would get a store and it said "All Signs Point to Yes", my mom found a little black cocktail recipe book that was her dad's on the day Jesse found out he got the store. The first recipe in the book? "Angel's Kiss". Thanks Grandpa Lehne for the blessing! After feeling like maybe owning a store just wasn't meant to be it finally happened. 

I can't forget to mention that a psychic told me Jesse would get the store, hehehe. She nailed it. Too funny huh? Side note: she also said my dad plays songs for me and he loves that I notice. WOAH! Goosebumps! He plays songs for me all the time and you wouldn't believe the eye rolls I get when I mention that my dad in heaven is turning the radio dial. 

The Recipe Book, note the 3rd one down, LOL

Front of the Store

At Daddy's New Store

To make it even more fateful, Jesse and I met when we were 18 and lost contact at age 19. Guess where we were when we saw each other again 5 years later? You guessed it, the Liquor Store. That was where we rekindled our love! I have a whole story about that encounter but seriously, it's where it all began!

And now an update on the kids!

Will is 9 now and is doing really awesome at school. He is drawn to all things sports and plays soccer, basketball and baseball. Right now he's on a tournament basketball team and they got first place last weekend at their tournament! He is really tall and loves to compare his height to mine. His favorite things are playing outside especially with the neighbors and being a comedian 24/7. He is so much like his uncles that it creeps me out sometimes. 

Champs!

Oldest and Youngest

Luke is 7 and has been really exploring his artistic side. I'm so so proud of him! He has his own art instagram and has been doing the CHAP art classes every month. He is so creative and amazes me with his artistic ability. He was asked to be part of an online gallery called childish. I asked him if he wanted to do it, and he said he absolutely wanted to! So stay tuned to see his "Happy Trees" art being featured! He also had his first commissioned piece and made $10, he was pretty stoked!

Luke

Focused

Luke's "Mother and Baby" his first commissioned piece!

Ellie will be turning 4 in January. I can't even believe it, our baby! It's been a whirlwind trying to figure out what's going on with her legs. She still walks sideways and drags her smaller leg behind her. She's been to a couple of specialists and we are trying to determine if it could be Cerebral Palsy. Our last stop is the Neurologist and I'm just waiting to hear from them to make that appointment. She had thumb surgery in September which was a success also! 

After Thumb Surgery

She and I were in a documentary and that was fun to do together. I think it turned out pretty great and I can't wait to share that after the new year. She also had another photo shoot for Fred Meyer and looks so cute! This ad not only ran in the local Freddy's ads but in the Kroger ads nationwide! My friend Kelly in Texas picked me up a bunch of copies!

Latest Fred Meyer Ad

Ellie also did a calendar shoot for FACT with her Uncle Danny! He will be getting a framed copy of the ADORABLE pic for Christmas, I can't wait!! When I asked him if he could be a model with her, he said "Tiff, God answers prayers in ways we don't expect. I've been praying a lot lately and then you called me to tell me this!" Oh man he makes me smile!

FACT Calendar

Dressed up for Christmas Pics

So really the whole point of this post was really no point at all. I just thought I'd check in and write down what has been going on! I should mention that I have been a really really really bad friend, sister, daughter and wife lately and I'm sorry for that. I am so lucky though because most of you still love me. I'm terrible about setting up dates and checking in. It will get better I promise, once we get out of "survival mode" of owning a new business. And once I can get more than 5 hours of sleep a night! I'm tired! 

I also have to mention how grateful I am that my mom and mother-in-law have been so helpful and loving and supportive. Cooking meals, folding laundry, even cleaning toilets. Seriously big huge hugs and loves are going out to those ladies who keep me from completely losing my you-know-what. I love you! More than you know!

For this week's post I'm putting a very random but special song to our family. It is one that is often playing in the background when we are cooking dinner or hanging out. Every time I hear it I just think of my sweet little crew and it makes me smile. I'm getting a record player for Christmas and found this on vinyl for $2, it shipped yesterday. I can't wait to listen to it on Christmas day. Ahhh so excited!!!

xoxo

Angel From Montgomery - Bonnie Raitt & John Prine

What is Your Super Power? My First DS Convention

My mom, my BFF Jos and I had the wonderful opportunity to attend my first ever Down Syndrome convention, thanks to our amazing local group, the Down Syndrome Network of Oregon!!!! The National Down Syndrome Congress was holding it's 43'rd annual meeting and I have only three words to describe what it was like...

IT. WAS. AWESOME!! And the best part? The people. Let me explain.

My first goal of the weekend was get a hug and a selfie with the famous Tim Harris, owner of Tim's Place. If you haven't watched this video yet, you really should. Tim is a rock star, owns his own restaurant, started his own foundation and could literally quit his day job to be a motivational speaker. I remember shortly after Ellie was born my whole family huddled around my phone and we watched his video with tears in our eyes. Tim is a true inspiration. He was a keynote speaker Friday night (making everyone cry tears of joy, of course) and we learned so much from him. These are Tim's Tips for an Awesome Life, take note, they are really great:

1. Love people
2. Work hard
3. Believe in yourself
4. Believe in others
5. Be happy and show it
6. Use your super power

So that first evening, as we headed back to our hotel with our hearts full, we met him! My goal was accomplished- I was giddy can you tell?

I also had the absolute pleasure of meeting some of my Rockin' Moms in REAL LIFE. These gals have been there since our girl was born and I owe so much to them. We have been through thick and thin together, and I am so looking forward to meeting more of our Rockin' Moms in September at our first retreat. Here's a group picture from the dance on Saturday night, along with some of my dead relatives (orbs) haha, roll your eyes it's OK.



During the convention I sat in many sessions that were informative and eye opening. I learned about apps that are helpful as well as Speech therapy tips from Libby Kumin, who is wonderful. I already own her book and seeing her in action was awesome. She genuinely loves the kids she works with and she had some great tips for working in speech therapy tricks during everyday life.

Lastly, I have share with you about my new friend Casey. As we were waiting in between sessions, us girls decided we should sneak in a cocktail. As we sat at the bar a handsome guy with Down syndrome sat down and ordered a Bud Light. Jos immediately sparked up a conversation with him. We learned that he has a girlfriend who he is planning on proposing to, he is a proud uncle of his nieces and he was going to have a new nephew any day. Jos asked him to describe what a typical night would be like after he's married. He said he would come in and ask his wife to get him a beer. We all giggled but then he started talking about dinnertime. He said he would turn the music on while they made dinner, and twirl his wife in the kitchen, just like his dad did to his mom. Jos and I lost it and had huge tears in our eyes. So then we asked him for a picture and were laughing at how his debit card, Bud Light and his shirt all matched!

I ended up finding Casey's mom on Facebook and had to share the story of how he was the highlight of our whole trip. She is an awesome lady! And now I'm friends with Casey on Facebook too! Casey's mom has a company called Wordy Worm Reading. With our girl being such a book lover I am looking forward to learning more about this program! It's amazing to me how life connects us to others, I truly believe all of us were meant to skip our 3:30 session that day! 

Being in a place with hundreds of people with Down syndrome was unlike anything I have ever experienced. It was inspiring, exciting, and gave me hope.I am so grateful to the DSNO for the scholarship to attend this year. I look forward to sharing everything I learned at a mom's cocktail hour at my house! :)  I look forward to being able to attend another convention someday, Florida in 2016? We will see!

No other song could sum up last weekend like this one can, so here it is:

Happy - Pharrell Williams

My Daughter With Down Syndrome Has Changed Me

When Ellie was born I knew my life was forever changed. I felt it, not in my heart but in the pit of my stomach. It was a fear that I would not be the same person from that day forward. A fear that my life would be filled with doctor's appointments, therapies, and research. That my duties as mother to my two older boys would be sacrificed. I worried for how my marriage would suffer because of this new journey I was about to take. I loved this tiny being with my whole soul but I worried that fighting for her would take away a part of who I was.

Those feelings in the pit of my stomach have since faded. The fear has grown into hope, and now I feel it in my heart. I now have a full, grateful, bursting with joy heart and it's hard for me to even put into words. I would like to try and share with you how Ellie has changed me. She has changed me in ways I never could have imagined.

1. Stopping to Smell the Roses. I remember wishing away the days with my oldest son Will, pushing him to get to that next milestone and stressing that he wasn't getting there fast enough. With Luke it got a little better, as my second baby I found that life was flying by faster than I expected. I wanted to soak in every phase with Luke. Ellie has helped me back up the truck, slow down, and enjoy every minute. She takes longer to accomplish her milestones and being the third child I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this time with her. I remember feeling offended when someone said "you are lucky because you will have a baby longer", but I get that now. And to be honest at 18 months she's already moving into toddler-hood and has the sassy attitude to go with it!

2. Human Rights. I have never in my life felt so passionate before for all people; race, religion, sexual orientation or being differently abled, I will fight for the equality that every person on this earth deserves. I lived in a naive bubble before Ellie, I cared about human rights but never at this level.  I am now aware. How lucky am I to have a daughter who at 18 months old has already taught me this important life lesson.

3. Nutrition. As silly as this one sounds, I have to bring it up. I have learned so much about nutrition because of Ellie. I have learned that some children with Down syndrome do better when they are dairy free, or gluten free. These are ways of eating that I never would have explored if it weren't for her. I know more about supplementation as well and am even taking some of the vitamins myself. I am excited to learn more about healthy eating as Ellie grows up, and the rest of our family will benefit from it as well. 

4. Understanding Work/Life Balance. I am a career mom, and with being a career mom comes a lot of working mom's guilt. Once Ellie arrived and rounded out our family of five, I was able to take a step back and look at what is important. "Things" are not as important to me now. I am not feeling the constant push to rise to the top of the corporate ladder. It is an amazing feeling to get my priorities in order! If Ellie wasn't here I don't know if that would have happened. She took me down a notch and brought me back to reality. I am lucky to have an amazing boss who gets it, to work for a company that is flexible and understanding, and to have the security in knowing I'm building toward a future for my family.

5. The Importance of Connections and Support. Where would I be if it weren't for the internet? I have mentioned this before, but the connection I feel to other families who have children with Down syndrome is magical. There is no better way to put it. Having the support of other moms gives me such reassurance for Ellie's future. I have these women to lean on for the rest of my life. We will have each other's backs through it all, the hard times, the joyful times, the scream at the sky and cry times. I make new connections constantly and when you are on the journey of raising a child with Down syndrome, to know you are never alone is so comforting.

*If you are pregnant with a child with Down syndrome or have a child with Down syndrome birth to age three and you are not in a Rockin' Mom's (or Dad's) group, please go to our DSDN link and click"connect". You won't regret it, I promise!

6. Being Different Is Awesome. This to me is the most important lesson Ellie has taught me. As soon as Ellie was born we talked to the boys about Down syndrome and what it meant. Even before she was in our lives we always reiterated that "if everyone in the world was the same, what a boring place that would be!"  Because kids ask questions and they notice people who aren't like them, and even say awkward things out loud sometimes. I'll never forget the day Will asked me "mommy what is wrong with Uncle Danny?" I took a deep breath and started to try to explain his story and why he has an intellectual disability. I barely got out a "Well honey.." when Will said "He's just so shaky!" He wasn't even asking about his disability. He didn't see it at all as a matter of fact, he was noticing how my brother shakes. It brought a huge smile to my face and I was able to explain that he is shaky because of the medicine he is on. 

I hear my boys educating their friends about Down syndrome. I hear them being more accepting and loving because of their sister. Now if we are out and about and they see someone who is differently abled, they will wave and say hello. This to me is the biggest part of how Ellie has changed not only me but all of us. Our hearts are bigger because of her. I also see her changing the hearts of our friends and family.

Yes Ellie, you have sure changed your mama. And I am so glad you have. You are the little gift my soul needed. Thank you for opening my eyes to some of the biggest lessons I will ever learn in this lifetime. I am eternally grateful that you are mine. I can't wait to see what else you can teach me.

You Belong To Me - Bob Dylan

A Little Dream with a Big Message

For some reason I don't remember my dreams all that often. It seems like when my alarm beeps sharply at 6am, all dreams leave my subconscious. But on the weekends when I'm allowed to wake up when my body clock says it's time to, I tend to be able to recall what I was dreaming about. I wonder why that is? 

This morning I woke up smiling and my heart was full and happy. I had a short little dream, and it was about Down syndrome. I don't tend to dream about Down syndrome really but today was different. My dream was about pregnancy and babies with Down syndrome. I woke up with the words "inclusion in the womb" in my head. In my dream, I lived in a whole new world, where parents who were finding out about Down syndrome are not gutted and devastated. Where doctors weren't pushing termination as a first choice. Where these babies were celebrated, wanted, and loved. Parents who received the diagnosis were genuinely OK, and were excited to welcome their unborn child.

I am part of a private group on Facebook for women who are pregnant with a baby with Trisomy 21. Most of them are going through all the same emotions I did when we received the news. They are worried for their future, as well as the future of their baby. They are worried for their other children's future, how will it affect them? What about potential health issues? Will their child do OK in school and be included? Will they go to college, or get married? Their pregnancy is not what they dreamed of and each mother is grieving in her own way.

What I also get to witness is the fear that crumbles when these mothers meet their children and gaze into their eyes for the first time. The love that binds these mothers to their children is undeniable and powerful. They look back and wonder "what was I so afraid of?" Every. Single. Time. It's amazing to hear about the father's and their love for their children. The fierce protective love that these dads feel, it always overshadows any preconceived notions they had when receiving the diagnosis. And not to mention the special connection these new babies have to their siblings. It is something quite magical and I get to see it daily with Ellie and her big brothers.

Who knows what the future holds, I just know that I wish with all of my heart that this dream could become a reality someday. I've had a few prophetic dreams- I dreamt of my pregnancy with Ellie as well as her diagnosis. I can't help but hope that this dream can someday become a reality too. I'm not saying I'm psychic by any means (haha), but I am already seeing a shift in perceptions. It's a slow process but it's happening. Maybe someday it'll be true, and I hope I am here to witness it when it does.

I have to end every post with a song and this one has been on my mind lately, it's a good one.

A Change is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke

I Have One Too

"Aren't you a pretty girl? You are just so sweet! You are a precious "special" girl, aren't you?" I started to feel my cheeks turn pink. I was nervous and even a little annoyed, thinking to myself "oh please don't tell me how happy they all are, and how they all love to dance." Ugh.

I was at Target with Ellie doing some shopping and was in line checking out. I could tell this woman, who was most likely in her 70's had noticed that Ellie has Down syndrome. I feel bad now that I assumed that she was going that route- the generalized "they are all happy" route, but I hear it practically every time I take my girl out in public. I smiled at the woman and started heading out the door and she quickly yells... "I have one too, my daughter!" I turned around and said "oh that's awesome!" and walked to my car, but I wanted to run back and ask her all about her daughter. Unfortunately my nerves got the best of me. But then at my next stop that day, I got that chance.

 
Ellie and I were strolling along the granola bar section at Costco and I was stopped by a couple who were probably in their late 60's. They couldn't keep their eyes off Ellie and were asking me all about her. She was doing her usual double-handed giant wave and "smizing" (smiling with her eyes) and they were loving it. Finally the woman says "we also have a special angel" to which I asked "oh, how old is she?" They went on to explain that her name was Andrea, and she had passed away when she was 9 years old. She had multiple health issues in her short life. My heart sank. The man grabbed his wallet, and pulled out a torn and faded school picture. She was beautiful with her brown hair falling down around her pretty slanted eyes. He handed me the picture and I showed Ellie, she immediately gave the photo a kiss. I had tears in my eyes as they proudly talked about their daughter. She would be 35 if she were still here, the same age as me. I was so grateful for that couple who shared their gorgeous Andrea with me that day. 

As I was checking out I couldn't stop thinking about that couple and their girl. I was turning to leave and my new friend came up behind me "can we exchange numbers?" she asked. I was so excited. "Yes!" I gave her my info and she gave me hers. She has a friend who has a daughter in her 20's with Down syndrome who lives downtown Portland, takes the Max to work and is in Zumba class. She is independent and doing awesome. She wants to introduce me to this gal's mother, who she said was such an advocate for her daughter who is doing so well. I hope I see this woman again someday. She really made my day and I honestly think I was meant to meet her.

I can't quite put my finger on what the "thing" is that happens when I meet other families who have been touched by Down syndrome, but it's amazing to me. It's like a secret club, a connection, a feeling of knowing, and it's beyond just having something in common. My family feels it, and even my friends too. Even the connection I have with the moms I've met online is hard to put into words. They are from all walks of life, and across the globe. We have spent countless hours sharing advice, worries, and triumphs. I haven't met them in person yet I feel a bond to these ladies. I have met families in real life and can't help but feel like there is something more. When Ellie was around 6 months old, I read a very interesting book and this paragraph gave me goose bumps:

"When I spoke with parents of handicapped children, all commented on the extraordinary people they met as a result of their children's handicaps - people they felt they already knew. In all likelihood, they did. There is often a special bond that goes well beyond the commonality of having handicapped children."

I don't know if I'll ever unlock the mystery to this connection I feel to these families, so I'm just going to go with it. I'm going to count my blessings and just be grateful every single day. I know that I will continue to meet new people who are on the same journey as me. They will be just beginning, or will be more seasoned pros offering invaluable advice. I look forward to talking to new moms and to be able tell them "it will be OK, I promise", just like others told me.

This week's song is one that I used to love when Jesse and I started dating over 10 years ago. It's funny how the lyrics to a song can evolve as your life changes, this one has taken on a new meaning for me. xoxo

Wave on Wave - Pat Green

A Letter to our Daughter on her First Birthday

            

Dear Ellie,

It was five years ago when your daddy and I both had dreams about you being in our lives. To be honest, it scared us. It scared us so much that we had decided not to have anymore kids. 

The day I found out I was pregnant with you, you surprised us again. Once the shock wore off, we were ecstatic and couldn't wait to meet you.

When the doctors told us to prepare to lose you when I was only 10 weeks pregnant, you surprised us again and you kept growing and getting stronger in my belly. 

When we found out you were a GIRL you surprised us again. We had thought you would be a boy based on our track record. We were so excited!!

When the doctors told us you had a heart problem when I was 38 weeks pregnant and that you could come out blue, you surprised us with your adorable little pink body and cute girly cry. 

When the doctors told me my tests were negative for all trisomies, and you were born with T21 you surprised us. But we had already met you in our dreams so we were comforted in knowing that you were just where you were meant to be.

When the doctors listed off all of the medical problems you could have, including sight and hearing problems, thyroid issues, heart and digestion diseases, you surprised us. You were cleared by the cardiologist at 2 months old. You have passed all your hearing and vision tests. You have none of the problems that the doctors warned us about. 

Every step of the way you have blown us away. You have the ability to bring joy to every person you meet. You are inquisitive and smart. You are starting to talk and interact with everyone around you. You gently lay your hands on your brother’s face when he is crying, comforting him and making him smile. You have the cutest laugh and your brother Will brings it out of you the best. You are so loved by us, as well as all of your aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, grandparents and friends.

                         

You are a daddy’s girl to your core. You light up when he walks in the room and give him the biggest hugs and kisses of all. If he's had a hard day at work, he loves to snuggle you because you somehow make everything better.

                      

On your first birthday I want to thank you for choosing us to be your parents. We are so lucky to have you as our little girl. You make us so proud. We know you will continue to shine as you grow. We can't wait to see what you accomplish in this life. Everyone tells us how lucky you are to have us as parents. But I can tell you this, we are the lucky ones, thank you for being our daughter.

Love mom and dad.

                     

Your daddy chose the song for this post, and I think it's perfect for you baby girl.

Stevie Wonder - Isn't She Lovely

The "What If" Game

The "What If" Game. Do you ever play it? I do. As much as I try not to, I do. I tend to wonder "what if", even though I'm a true believer that life "happens the way it's meant to".

Sometimes on my drive in to work, my commute will take me up to an hour. This gives me a lot of time for my mind to wander. Too much time, really. I often play this game in my head. It's a mind bender, that's for sure. Growing up, my mom used to joke about how my dad dated Barbra Streisand. My mom used to say, "Barbra Streisand could have been your mom, I wonder what you would have looked like!" and we would all laugh. I still wonder about this story and would love to someday ask Barbra if she really dated my dad. Supposedly it was in Brooklyn, New York in the mid 1950's. Was this a tall tale, or did it really happen? My mom swears it's true, my dad did too. What if they would have stayed together? I love the mystery of it all.

My dad in Brooklyn in the 1950's

My mom and I were talking last week during my long commute into work, and she brought up how I was supposed to study art in Italy my freshman year in college. I didn't realize how pissed she was that I didn't do it. She reminded me how she begged me to go, how it was an amazing opportunity for me. I just didn't go. I totally wussed out. My mom paid the non-refundable deposit, and I boaged. I had a boyfriend at the time and didn't want to leave him. She told me again what a shame it was that I didn't go. How I could have grown, seen the world, and how opportunities like that were rare for an 18 year old. But I reminded her of something. I met Jesse that fall, 16 years ago, in a screen printing class. "What if I went to Italy, mom? Jesse and I never would have met." She agreed with me, "I didn't think of it like that! I guess you weren't meant to go to Italy!"

So young and fresh!

Since we've had Ellie this thought comes up a lot. More than it should, really. What if Ellie didn't have Down syndrome? What would our life be like? I can't help it. I think it's a natural instinct to wonder. I have thought about it a lot and I've come to a conclusion and I would like to explain it here. If Ellie didn't have Down syndrome we would: go boating a ton, get an opportunity to take an "adult's only" trip to Ireland, have lots of parties at our house, go on a special family vacation where we fish every single day and drink cocktails by the sunset, go on a business trip to Asia, do a complete home remodel (including a new kitchen), have to deal with our family moving away to Vietnam for 3 years (which is devastating yet exciting all at once), decide to throw Thanksgiving at our house for the first time ever, and live life to the absolute fullest. But wait... we have done all these things. 

Boating and loving it.

Fishing off the dock

Ireland, July 2013

The cousins together for the last time, the day before the big move to Vietnam

Ellie has Down syndrome, and we have done everything we ever dreamed we would have done. I never thought this would be possible when she was born. I was so scared about the "what ifs"... but I'm finding that it's better than I could have imagined. The relationships with our friends and family has deepened. We have met families that we have a connection with that is indescribable. We never would have met them otherwise. I have met mommies online that I connect with on a level deeper than I've ever experienced. I have met mommies in real life who I already know will be lifelong friends. Our souls are connected, because of Ellie. I can be me, I can be real, and I can tell them my fears and hopes for Ellie and I am understood. I really feel that this is the way our life was meant to turn out. I am so grateful.

I leave Tuesday for a business trip to Asia. Jesse will be with all three kids by himself, and I know he will do great.  We are finishing up our remodel in the next month. We have gotten the OK from our families to throw Thanksgiving, a first for us. And it'll be both of our families combined so that'll be a first too! We have many more adventures ahead of us, and many more firsts.

So when I think about the "what if's" I will be reassured that I am exactly where I'm meant to be. I am grateful for the path my life has taken. I am excited for the challenges ahead and the joy that my three kids will bring me. I can't imagine my life any other way. I also think about that Italy trip, and how I never went. And how when Ellie was born the big talk was the "Welcome to Holland" story. About how raising a child with a disability is like thinking you are going on a magnificent trip to Italy, but instead you end up in Holland. Which is beautiful too, it's just different. Well I'm finding that having Ellie is an adventure far beyond any beautiful foreign country. And I can see us visiting Holland, Italy, Ireland and Vietnam together, as a family. Just the way we were meant to all along.

Loving the sun.

Our three.

I always like to link to a song with each post, and this time I was trying to come up with one that "fit". Well I was looking through my "shazamed" songs, and found that in the past year, I shazamed this song 4 times. Did I not realize I had already heard it before? It made me laugh that I made the effort to "tag" this song so many times without realizing I had already done it a few times before. So that is why I chose this song, because I love it, apparently!

Lost In My Mind - The Head and the Heart

They Are All So Happy

I have an announcement. Ellie, my sweet precious Ellie, is NOT always happy. She just isn't. In the 7 months that she's been on this earth, she has been everything. Happy, sad, frustrated, excited, curious, mad, stubborn, the list could go on. Name an emotion and she's probably experienced it. 

Pre-meltdown phase

Let the drama begin!

Will looks around like someone is going to help him!

Seriously mom, HELP ME! (says Will)

When I tell people my daughter has Down syndrome I almost always hear "oh, they are all so happy", or "they are all so sweet". I am trying to figure this phenomenon out because so far, Ellie is a lot like her big brothers. She spits up like them (rrr!), she giggles like them, she smirks like them, she cries like them. When people refer to her as "they" it feels like she's part of a whole different species, do you get what I'm saying?

There is a preconceived notion, myth, or stereotype about people with Down syndrome that "they" are always happy, or "they" are always sweet. Well Ellie wants me to tell you this.. "she" is just herself. It's just like saying "all gingers have no souls" when we know the truth, only some gingers have no souls. Hehe. 

So that is my PSA for the day. People with Down syndrome are each unique individuals just like you and I. They laugh, they cry, and sometimes, damn it, they have throw-down diva fits like it's their job!! 

My song of choice for this blog post is "You are so Beautiful" by Joe Cocker. I love this song, and it makes me think of our Ellie girl. BUT I also love that my dad once arrested Joe Cocker in Cali back in the early 70's. Famous family story right there! 

You Are So Beautiful - Joe Cocker