Thursday, March 7, 2013

Our Little Tulip

The day after Ellie was born I read a poem by Emily Perl Kingsley called "Welcome to Holland" about what it's like to raise a child with a disability. At that moment it was perfect for me. It talked about the unexpected journey I was about to take. I liked how it explained this new adventure and I sent it to our family and close friends to help explain how Jess and I felt about Ellie.

You can read it here:

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

My best friend sent me a bouquet of tulips after Ellie was born and the card said "Ellie is the most beautiful tulip in Holland" and I absolutely loved it. I loved it so much I even picked a tulip stamp for my baby name necklace. It went perfectly with her big brother's disks.  My family was complete. 



As time has gone on, I have re-read the Holland story many times. I have to say that I still think it's beautiful but I also don't agree with it 100%. She says that it was a "very very significant loss". But I no longer feel this way. I did for about 2 days after Ellie was born. I grieved for the loss of the daughter I thought I was going to have. But the little girl I'm holding in my arms is who she was meant to be, from the moment she was conceived. She is the same baby that was kicking inside my tummy and who I would sing to while driving to and from work every day. She is perfect to me and I don't see the dream of what could have been as a sad thing. I think this is the trip Jesse and I were meant to take- we were meant to go to Holland all along!

Daughter - Loudon Wainwright III





8 comments:

  1. Oh I could just stare and stare at her! She truly is such a doll baby! I couldn't agree more, she was meant to be on so many levels. I truly mean this.

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    1. Thank you Mary Gene, this means a lot. xoxo

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  2. I love these pics! Ellie is beautiful! I also disagree with "the pain will never ever ever go away". That is way too many evers! I would like to think as we come in complete acceptance that there will be no pain left to feel...just absolute love!

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    1. I agree with you Diane!! And I still keep thinking about what Ginger's husband said about their daughter with DS... "she is Italy!!" and I have to say I am second guessing my blog post now! :-P

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  3. I love her pics! I'm going to have to steal that necklace idea. I was thinking of hinting to my husband about getting me an Origami Owl necklace for Mother's Day. :D

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    1. Oh the origami owl necklaces are ADORABLE! And make a perfect mama's day gift ;-)

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  4. Ok, I'm reading all these blogs on our "Crashtheblogshpere" but your's is the one that I can't STOP reading!! Beautiful!! And I love beautiful pictures :) I even teared up...which I do a lot looking at pics of our sweet children! Thank you for your posts :)

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    1. Thank you Tiffany! I read your blog too, and I LOVE IT! We have similar lives it looks like :-) I look forward to following your adventures.

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