Wednesday, February 27, 2013

A Surprise Bun in the Oven

Our lil family of four.

Jesse and I were busy planning our boy's birthday party. It was a baseball theme and our big boys were turning 3 and 5. I was loading up on cracker jacks and dollar store plastic bats and sunglasses. This party was going to be epic! We love to entertain, it's one of our most favorite things in the world... Friends, family, food and good cocktails. What could be better?

Love the look on our little guy's face!

The boys blowing out the candles. 

Getting ready to hit the pinata!

Jess and I had talked about how we were "done" with having babies. Our two feisty boys were plenty. We both work full time and the boys were becoming self sufficient! They were potty trained, dressed themselves, this is getting easier! No more weekly Costco trips for diapers and formula, even daycare was cheaper and they were both going to be in school in the fall. We don't have time for a baby!

A couple months earlier I had my IUD removed because it was making me certifiably crazy. I was short tempered and even swore my hair was falling out. I talked to Jess about it and he agreed. I think he wanted his sweet loving wife back! We were practicing the "rhythm method" and he was going to get the ole' snip-snip. I gently reminded him to make his appointment and he jokingly replied "I'll do it in a year!" To which I snapped back "we will have a baby by then!!" ...

I had a dream on a Saturday night, it was the end of April. In my dream I had taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. I called my brother and sister in law to tell them they could have the baby since we didn't want a 3rd child. What? That was sort of weird. So Sunday morning I took a test for the heck of it, and I saw 2 verrrry faint lines. I was holding the test in different light, squinting... Yes I could see two lines. There's NO way this could be happening. I didn't say anything to Jess for a couple of hours. I felt like I was keeping a dirty secret from him. Finally I mustered up the courage to show him, "do you see two lines?"... Silence.

"Are you f&$&@ kidding me??" He says. I burst into tears and say I'm sorry... He doesn't think I'm pregnant and I don't either. I don't feel pregnant at all. I've been closely monitoring my fertility!! We decide wait a couple days and see what happens.. Our best friends come for dinner that night and Scott hands me a big cold beer. I politely decline... "Are you pregnant!?!?" He immediately asks. I never turn down a beer!! I have to confess that maybe I am.. but most likely not. We all laugh about the idea. Sweet Kelly assures me that she doubts I'm pregnant and says "Well if you are we will have a baby with you guys!" Those two never came through on that promise, because they didn't think I was pregnant either.

Monday came and went, I tried to block the thought of being pregnant out of my mind, no need to stress unless I have to, right? Tuesday I went and bought a digital test on my way to work. Of course I had a meeting first thingthat morning. At 10am I texted my friend Kori... "Meet me in the bathroom by the gym." I tell her what is up and she laughs at me. I went into the stall and did what I needed to do. We anxiously watch the little hourglass on the screen. It felt like an eternity watching that little screen. Hourglass.. hourglass.. blinking... blinking... PREGNANT. I screamed, loudly, and felt like a teenager in a movie. Holy moly is this really happening? I text Jess a picture of the test and he replies "am I being punked?" At this point I'm back at my desk, shaking and teary. Jesse calls me "it's ok honey, we can do this".

We can do this. Every little thing is gonna be alright. I know it will, everything happens for a reason, right?

The Lumineers - Ho Hey

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