Mindfulness (I'm a Half-Ass Mom)

I am constantly researching, reading, and questioning everything related to Down syndrome. As a way to weed through the vast amounts of information available to me, I have changed the way I look at it all. When I hear about something more than two or three times, I take that as my signal to investigate further. That’s the only way I can keep my sanity when it comes to a new book to read, a new therapy tool, or a vitamin or supplement that may or may not help Ellie in the long run.

I use this method when it comes to regular life too. And in the past couple of weeks I have heard the word “mindfulness” at least five times. It was while watching a youtube clip, talking with my friends, as well as listening to a new book during my commute to work. Someone is definitely trying to tell me something. The definition of mindfulness is “the gentle effort to be continuously present with experience”. So I’m taking this as a sign, and I’m going to try my absolute hardest to make it a reality.

I've been asked lately “how do you do it all?” because I work full time, have 3 kids (two boys who are in sports and a daughter with special needs), I do photography, helped launch a non-profit, have a home to clean, meals to make, laundry to do (oh the laundry), and the list goes on. I've been jokingly replying “oh believe me, I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown”. Then I remembered my mom saying “thoughts become things” and damn if I didn't bring that thought to fruition! I am seriously about to lose it. I'm hanging by a thread and I think my husband is genuinely worried I will quit my job. I told Jesse “something’s gotta give”, and so I've decided it’s me. I need to be the one to change. I’m going to do my best to initiate change into my hectic and hurried life. I'm not "doing it all", and to be totally honest, I'm not even doing half of it. I'm half-assing it in the areas that matter the most and deserve my full attention.

My first step is that damn phone of mine. I’m always plugged in. Always. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I’m addicted to that device. I always have it on the bedside table next to me at night. Some nights I will be online until 1am or later reading blogs and articles or chatting with new moms who need my support. I have a habit of continually checking my phone… work email, personal email, Facebook. In that order, over and over again. As if I'm going to miss something if I don’t look every 5 minutes. What has happened is that I am not giving my kids my full attention. It’s like half-assed attention as I’m trying to reply to a message. I need to look at my babies in their faces when they ask me for a juice box or a snack. I need to see their beautiful eyes when I ask them how their day was. I need to be in the present.



So I started a week ago. I put my phone down. I am only going to check it when the kids are not with me, or are in bed. I’m not going to be as frantic about checking my work emails when I’m not at work. It’s not what’s important, my boss even told me to quit doing emails at night! My kids are growing up before my eyes, and I feel like I’m not there to watch it. I’m also not bringing my phone to bed. I’m going to leave it downstairs so I don’t look at it every time it buzzes… halfway asleep with one eye open. Who does that? Oh yeah, I do.

The second area I’m going to try to work on is my eating habits. I have a 50% chance of Type 2 Diabetes because I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with Ellie. I love to eat and so does Jesse. We center our lives around entertaining and enjoying good meals. Not to mention yummy cocktails which are also bad for the waistline- OK maybe that's just my weakness. Our whole family has a love for pizza and blizzards from Dairy Queen. Even my almost 7 year old Will is known for saying “oh mom this is so bad.. it’s good!” My amazing friend sent me a TED talk by Sandra Aamodt about why dieting doesn't work. If you have an extra 13 minutes I suggest you watch it.

Sandra Aamodt: Why dieting doesn't usually work

As I was watching, I heard her say “mindfulness”. There it was again, that word! I just need to be aware of what I’m putting in my body. But I can't obsess over it. I tend to senselessly shovel Juanita’s chips in my mouth as I cook dinner. I need to take a step back and look at what I'm doing. Just be aware.

The third and last baby step I am taking is to be mindful during the nighttime routine with my kids. Jesse and I take turns putting the boys to bed. Usually they will both sit on our laps and Will gets his reading homework done. It’s been getting to where we are shortening it more and more.. “pick a shorter book”, “we are just doing prayers tonight you guys stayed up way too late”, “I’ll tell you one story, but it’s going to be a quick one”, “it’s way too late, no stories tonight you guys need your sleep”.

What am I doing? How much longer will my boys sit on my lap and snuggle me? Why am I shortening this precious time each night? These moments will end up being non-existent if I continue on this path. I tested myself this weekend, it was the middle of the day on Saturday. I had tons of stuff to do around the house, the list seems endless. Luke was cranky so I asked him if he’d take a nap. He is almost 5, so even the word nap stresses him out. I told him I would feed Ellie in the rocking chair and he could lay in bed and I’d tell him a story. He liked the idea. I ended up spending 45 minutes with Luke while Ellie drank her bottle and fell asleep. We sang songs back and forth. He was not shy about showing me how he knew every word to “Let it Go” and “Do you Wanna Build a Snowman”. I had no idea he knew every last word, I had no clue. That 45 minutes was awesome. He woke up happy and revived, and my heart felt full.

The best part of my week, the Saturday morning bed raid.

Parenting is a constant learning experience for me. From the wise words of my mama, “if something isn't working, change it.” Well it’s time for me to change. As a working mom, I have 4 hours at night with my kids during the week. 4 hours. That isn't a lot. And on sports nights, that time is cut in half. I have to be available and there for my babies, in body as well as mind and spirit. I’m so grateful for the nudges I have received these past couple of weeks. Mindfulness. I hear you, loud and clear.

Landslide - Fleetwood Mac

Quest for Quinn

Cabbage Patch Kids, growing in the garden, Cabbage Patch Kids, growing in the sun...

Cabbage Patch Kids Theme Song

As a child of the 80's, I was the proud owner of many Cabbage Patch Kid dolls. To commemorate the 30th anniversary of these cute little babies with yarn hair and button noses, I would like to share a deeply personal story about my first born, Quinn Willy.

In 1998, Cabbage Patch Kids had a story contest for their 15 year anniversary. My brother Joey submitted our story about Quinn Willy and won 2nd place. He received a 15th Anniversary doll as a prize.

The 2nd place prize

Original story 

Quest for Quinn

The story begins in 1984. My sister, Tiffany, age 6 receives her first Cabbage Patch Kid. It wasn't Christmas or her birthday, just a gift. My parents sat her down and asked her the BIG question - "Are you ready to be a mother?" After the interrogation they gave her the doll.

Quinn Willy was his name. How could I forget? That's all we (my 5 brothers and I) heard day in, day out! Quinn Willy this, Quinn Willy that.

Anyways, August rolls around - vacation time! We decided to rent a motor-home and drive from Oregon to an amusement park in California, visiting relatives along the way. There were nine of us. Ten if you count Quinn Willy!

Well, after so many miles and so little space, one tends to get bored. And what do you do when you get bored? Pick on the youngest - it's an unwritten rule. I should know - it was 7 long years until Tiffany came along.

So I grab the thing dearest to Tiffany's heart - Quinn Willy! Who at this time has somehow morphed into a female doll! A game of keep-away begins. Hey, it beats counting cars! I toss it to brother Matt. He throws it to Kevin. Kevin throws it to Darren. Tiffany is screaming through all of this. 

My dad, a burly man, is trying to drive the confusing streets of California in the heat of August, in this giant motor-home! So he's yelling at us, Tiffany is screaming, we're laughing pure mayhem!

And then it happened. Like a scene out of a movie. Everything fell silent. Darren picks up Quinn to continue the game. He tosses it toward Matt in a slow-motion fashion. I could hear the wooshes every time Quinn turned in the air. It appeared that Quinn Willy was headed toward Matt's face. So he did what instinct told him to do... DUCK!

What happened next was horrible. Something a 6 year old should never have to witness. In a scream heard across California were two words I will never forget... "QUINN WILLY!!!"

Tiffany's doll had flown out the window into some serious traffic. She was crushed. Mom and dad were angry, and we were in trouble. I felt really bad, for it was I, angelic Joey who started it all!

There was no way my dad could have turned around to save Quinn Willy so throughout the rest of the vacation, Tiffany would have to deal with the fact that Quinn Willy was gone. Promises of other Cabbage Patch Kids only worked temporarily. Tiffany had racked up 7 promised Cabbage Patch Kids by the end of our vacation, but that didn't seem to fill the void. 

So when we returned to Oregon, my father - Chief of Police - wrote a few letters, made a few calls, and started the Quest for Quinn!

Sadly, Quinn Willy was never found. but what my father did for his youngest child, and only daughter was an act of love.

Unfortunately the letters my dad wrote to the LAPD have gone missing. I sent a message out to my brothers to see if they may have the only copies of the letters but so far no luck. I also have been trying to find photographic evidence of Quinn Willy's existence but can't find a photo to save my life. Then I received this quick video clip that Joey made. Here he is in a video from the summer she was lost, my she-boy Quinn Willy!

Defending Quinn - 1984